Nonsensical Thoughts

I'm not very good at confiding in people anymore. I seem to keep closing off myself to people who used to be my friends - my best friends. And I don't know what it is. Maybe it's just because I don't see them much because I'm so busy and when we do get together it's almost a feeling of obligation to report up on my life and what's happened. I just don't think I can do it. And then when I do realize that it's been awhile since I've seen them and I get that feeling, it's almost as if I postpone our meeting as long as possible in fear of having tell them and go through everything I did since the last time I saw them. And it's not just with me, but what's been going on in my ENTIRE life that they need to know, to be my best friend or whatever. And I don't think I can tell them all that because I'm afraid of what they'll think of my family. I could really care less about what people think about me, but when you judge or patronize or think different of the people I love, well then it's a completely different story. I don't update many people about the happening of my life for those specific reasons. People I was once friends with or once close with have a tendency to judge the things I say my family has been put through...well that's not right. I don't know. All I know is that I can't bare other people looking at my family in a negative way or judging them or giving a look of disgust because that's my family, and without them, I don't make sense.